Personal
Home Bank accounts
Credit cards
Borrowing
Mortgages
Savings and investments
Insurance
Advice
Business
Home My business
Banking Solutions
International
Financing
Investing
Tips and Tools
Wealth Management
Home
CLOSE

How frightening is child rearing?

24 March 2017 by Urbania
I want a baby

Want to have kids? Here are some of the ways your life will never be the same again. If this doesn't sound scary, you may actually be sort of ready.

Contenu

Sleep deprivation

Everyone has already told you that you barely sleep after the arrival of a baby. But do you have any idea what that really means? It’s a far cry from the couple of all-nighters you pulled in university, after which you inevitably slept for a week straight. We’re talking about a lack of sleep that drives you clinically insane. If your month-old baby is having digestive problems, you may not sleep more than 30 minutes in a row all night. An hour, if you hit the jackpot. Try to imagine your mental state after doing that day after day after day after day...

Money

Your family has told you not to worry, they'll set you up with everything necessary and you'll hardly have to buy anything. BALONEY. Here's what will happen everyone will buy you onesies, undoubtedly several sizes too small, or record-breaking useless objects. Like a washcloth-warming machine. You do not need a washcloth-warming machine. What you do need is a crib, a stroller, and a car seat, and guess who will have to buy them? No comment.

Poooop

When you become a parent, your relationship with human excrement evolves to a higher level. For simplicity's sake, let's leave puke out of this discussion. Just get used to having feces all over you. Eventually, this won’t even irritate you. And it doesn't just magically stop happening after the first few months; you've got at least... oh, let's say... another 20 years or so. Just disinfect yourself and get used to it.

Groceries

Things aren't so bad with a newborn, other than formula, which is inexplicably expensive. But babies become teenagers, and teenagers do two things: eat and sleep. They wake up in the middle of the night and eat the leftovers that were supposed to be your lunch. The next day, the only available option is a tuna sandwich with no mayo. Every week, count on spending about $300 on food.

The house

Does your one-bedroom condo, close to everything, have a special place in your heart? Enjoy it while it lasts, because you'll have to move. The baby can stay in your room for the early stages, but where will you put all the clutter once the baby’s two years old? In the garage of your new, massively mortgaged house in the suburbs, right beside the minivan.

Clothes

''Don't buy ANY clothes, we've got all Gerald's old clothes in bags in the basement, ready for you.'' Editor's note: Gerald is now 37 years old. You do not want to get stuck with worn-out snap-up pyjamas that unsnap during the night and cause your baby to wake up shrieking because his toe is caught in a lower-body snap hole... I guess you just had to be there. Quality PJs with zipper? Minimum $20 each.

Sickness

You will be on first-name basis with the emergency room nursing staff. Here are some of the ailments that will have to be dealt with: ear infection, flu, ear infection, forehead wound, pneumonia, ear infection, asthma, stomach flu, ear infection, ear tubes. Personally, you will come down with everything that is contagious. And by the way, start saving your money for hospital parking lots and cafeteria mashed potatoes. They're not cheap.

Rinse, Lather, Repeat?

The craziest part? When your baby is finally celebrating their first birthday, tries to blow out their candle, and smears chocolate cake all over their face... all you will be thinking about is how you want another one. Even though your baby may put you through hell, you will never be able to get over those pudgy cheeks and that sweet smell. You'll feel like a bona fide hero when you take care of their injuries. And the first time they say ''mama'' or ''dada'' with that heart-shaped drooly mouth? Indescribable.

Legal disclaimer

Any reproduction, in whole or in part, is strictly prohibited without the prior written consent of National Bank of Canada.

The articles and information on this website are protected by the copyright laws in effect in Canada or other countries, as applicable. The copyrights on the articles and information belong to the National Bank of Canada or other persons. Any reproduction, redistribution, electronic communication, including indirectly via a hyperlink, in whole or in part, of these articles and information and any other use thereof that is not explicitly authorized is prohibited without the prior written consent of the copyright owner.

The contents of this website must not be interpreted, considered or used as if it were financial, legal, fiscal, or other advice. National Bank and its partners in contents will not be liable for any damages that you may incur from such use.

This article is provided by National Bank, its subsidiaries and group entities for information purposes only, and creates no legal or contractual obligation for National Bank, its subsidiaries and group entities. The details of this service offering and the conditions herein are subject to change.

The hyperlinks in this article may redirect to external websites not administered by National Bank. The Bank cannot be held liable for the content of external websites or any damages caused by their use.

Views expressed in this article are those of the person being interviewed. They do not necessarily reflect the opinions of National Bank or its subsidiaries. For financial or business advice, please consult your National Bank advisor, financial planner or an industry professional (e.g., accountant, tax specialist or lawyer).

Tags:

Categories

Categories